“How long do we have?” asked Zori, as we waited for our dinner.
“It is impossible to know for certain in such complex systems,” I explained. “But I expect turmoil of all kinds to begin within the next few years, and am living my life now as if by 2028 the systems people like us depend upon today will have collapsed in most of the world. That might mean death.”
Jem Bendell wrote those sentences in March 2022. I’ve been following Jem’s writing soon after he published his landmark viral essay on Deep Adaptation in 2018. Rather than recapitulate what Jem has already put out there (you can do that yourself), I want to ask – What if . . . you really took the statement above to heart? What if 2028 really is, more or less, all the time we have left to live the privileged (Western) lives that we’ve become accustomed to? Jem has continued to explore this theme, suggesting recently (Feb 2024) that Major life changes become the least risky option. He’s changed his own life dramatically and suggests that doing so may be the best option for others as well. I concur.
My own major life changes are well underway, but not exactly in the way that I anticipated. In my case, nature provided me with a life-changing event called a STEMI in March 2023. The acronym stands for ST–elevated myocardial infarction. Super scary. People die every day from these hideous vascular disasters. I was very fortunate (privileged) and technology rescued me within a hour’s time with a PCI and stent placement into blocked distal LAD and diagonal coronary arteries. More acronyms – percutaneous coronary intervention and left anterior descending. Believe me, you don’t want this to happen to you. But it did happen to me despite being a lean runner and a vegetarian for decades. “Nature bats last” comes to mind; Google that.
In retrospect, my own arrogance prevented me from seeing the obvious. I should’ve understood that the weird chest pain that would wake me up at night every 3 or 4 months over the past few years was not just indigestion. Denial works subtly. Turns out this is a relatively uncommon presentation of cardiovascular disease called “variant angina” or “vasospastic angina” or “Prinzmetal angina”. Whatever. It’s not a good thing to have. One year on, and despite adopting a whole-foods, plant-based, near-zero-fat diet, this unpredictable pain continues to remind me that life is uncertain and my time may be short. Now, waking up each day, still intact, still breathing, is a gift beyond words.
And so, despite my decades-long preoccupation with the climate crisis and long-since acceptance of Jem’s “collapse awareness”, it turns out that my own collapse may be even more imminent. The 10-year survival rate for individuals with a septal infarct (my kind) is about 18%. Not good odds. Ironically, and for reasons other than ecosystem collapse, 2028 seems like a pretty likely endpoint. In Jem’s words, “That might mean death.” For real. So let’s return to the theme. If this is all the time that remains, what then?
Major life changes become the least risky option. Read it. Check your denial at the door. And if you’re curious, here’s what I did presented in the same framework as Jem’s article.
You don’t escape this. This was the easy one for me. There can be no denial of the warm, squishy facts of biological existence. Actually, all that’s happened to me has only highlighted the astonishing reality of existence and, emphatically, our moment-to-moment awareness of it. How remarkable it is to visualize those miniscule titanium mesh tubes that my life absolutely depends on, holding open damaged coronary arteries. Fragile. Like Earth. We knew this all along.
You have permission to go wild. My wife and I sold our beautiful home of 25 years. She went off to nurture her grandchildren while I walked barefoot on a warm miraculous beach in Costa Rica, avoiding the cardiac stress of winter. Without second thoughts, I bought 80 acres of land covered in sagebrush, inhabited by elk and surrounded by mountains. Ever crush a sprig of Artemisia tridentata between your fingers? Ever had hundreds of huge wild creatures block the dirt road you live on? Ever see a sunset for which the Sangre de Cristo are named? I have now. It’s overwhelming. I’ve cried a lot.
You can’t avoid losing things. I miss my lovely wife. Beyond words. But we may still be able to be with each other, more and more, as time passes and the massive disruption that was 2023 subsides. Amtrak still runs, maybe for longer than air travel will persist. Or not. If I’m really lucky, she’ll be with me when my time comes. And even if not physically, she will be there, foremost in my consciousness. That I am sure of – and that is all that really, finally matters.
You can gain what’s most important. I already have, in the small space of a single year. Whatever remains is grace.
Thanks Jem.
